


A Slip of the Tongue

by certainlyAmbiguous



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: F/F, Family Dinners, Gen, HSWC, Meeting the Parents, Pocstuck, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-29
Updated: 2014-05-29
Packaged: 2018-01-27 01:51:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1710623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/certainlyAmbiguous/pseuds/certainlyAmbiguous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remember the time when Kanaya first met Rose's parents and couldn't stop herself from making very <i>telling</i> Freudian slips?</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Slip of the Tongue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jadebloods](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jadebloods/gifts).



Kanaya was in the midst of a quick greeting kiss with Rose when Rose’s mother’s voice rang out from deeper within her home. “Is that my baby’s paramour?”  
  
The shuffling and clicking of feet sliding along the floor quickly and excitedly in heels gave way to the sight of a woman who made Kanaya’s skin flush with heat immediately upon seeing her. The Lalondes definitely shared many a charm, but their differences were equally stunning. Stunning in a good way. Stunning in the complementary way, which was to say that they were both very good looking in their oh no Kanaya you’ve been staring look away, look away! She followed the directions of her inner voice promptly as the elder Lalonde shuffled to a stop before her and offered a hand in greeting with a brilliant and friendly smile. She had a clean wire whisk held aloft in one hand and an actual factual frilly little pink apron on over a gorgeous white pencil dress. Her hair looked like something a 50’s housewife would wear, and she wore it well. So well. Though it was implied that she’d been in the kitchen doing kitchen things, her nails were as immaculate as her hair. Kanaya found herself wondering if this was real life.  
  
Of course, Rose had warned Kanaya about her mother, and about their strained relationship. Kanaya had been told that despite the casual nature of the dinner, Ms. Lalonde would almost definitely dress up for the occasion, and as such Kanaya had come equally well dressed. She hoped. Her red pea coat was flashy but refined, and the black cocktail dress underneath was accented with chunky jade jewelry, but not so much that it overwhelmed the outfit. Yesss. Kanaya was not going to fall victim to the covert bullying Rose had explained her mother had a penchant for at all. Nope!  
  
The previously proffered hand went unnoticed as Kanaya stared intently at a large photograph of a flower on the wall in the foyer. She just needed to take a few moments to unfluster herself, and then all would be well. It took her a moment to realize that Rose had been speaking. To her. “—are one and the same, much to my own chagrin. …Kanaya?”  
  
Large jade eyes shifted quickly back to Rose and then Rose’s mom and Kanaya laughed apologetically and a bit too loudly. She offered her hand, which was taken only to be squeezed firmly and shaken briskly, contrary to the soft and gentle handshake she’d expected from such a woman. “Forgive me, I was just absolutely taken,” Kanaya said, and Rose’s mother raised a well threaded eyebrow. “Which is to say by your— by your decor, Ms. Lalonde! I was taken by the…”  
  
Kanaya gestured vaguely at the blown up photograph on the wall and gave another weak little laugh that trailed into silence while both Lalondes looked at her. Her blushing redoubled and she fiddled with one of her earrings when she got her hand back. At length, Ms. Lalonde laughed. It wasn’t unkind, but it was definitely thick with mirth. “Listen at you, tlakin’ to me like I’mma teacher… You can call me Mama, sweetheart. You’re practically my baby now too, aren’tcha?”  
  
She winked, perfectly painted lips curling up at the edges in a smile that Kanaya recognized from Rose’s face. Kanaya was taken a bit aback. Was she being teased? She didn’t have much time to think about it before Rose had planted hands on her mother’s shoulders, urged her to turn around and steered her back into the kitchen, all while the other Lalonde protested playfully. Kanaya breathed a sigh of relief to no longer be under her scrutiny and finished hanging her jacket.  
  
Amongst the other things Rose had warned Kanaya about were the artworks and statuary. Kanaya was unfortunately still so startled by a larger than life sized stone wizard when she rounded the corner that she let out a little yelping gasp, hand flying up to hover over her heart, where she might have clutched the fabric of her dress if she didn’t know that would wrinkle it.  
  
"That’s Zazzerpan," Rose called from the kitchen, and Kanaya took a moment before she hesitantly followed the voice. Like the rest of what she’d seen of the house, the kitchen was big and very modern, with electronics she hardly recognized lining the counters. The kitchen contained the dining room, and the table was situated near a large breakfast nook. Atop the table were a pair of candelabras that looked frighteningly delicate and expensive, with pink candles curling up and out of them. A vase of lavender roses and pink violets made for quite the centerpiece. It all looked terribly fancy. Even the tableware seemed stunning from a distance.  
  
It seemed significantly less stunning once Kanaya noticed that the plates were made of paper. She looked over to Rose, who abruptly ended the hushed and seemingly heated conversation with her mother to come to Kanaya’s side. Rose, who Kanaya noticed belatedly, was dressed very plainly and casually in a printed tee, a cotton skirt, and flatform sneakers murmured, “Please don’t take to heart anything my mother says tonight. There is more wine in her than we have to serve by far.”  
  
She pulled out a chair for Kanaya, who gave a polite little laugh while she smoothed her skirt down and had a seat. Rose returned to her mother, where Ms. Lalonde had donned a pair of positively adorable cat shaped pot holders. They were pink and looked almost like puppets, with the little mouths holding onto the sides of an aluminum… pan? Rose followed suit, though she had no pot holders. She ferried over an identical pan full of some variation of macaroni and cheese that was peeking out of a cardboard bumper the other had lacked that clearly read ‘Boston Market’. She met Kanaya’s gaze and rolled her eyes. Kanaya hovered a hand over her mouth and tried not to laugh.  
  
“None of it’s homemade, but I hope you like it anyways!” Ms. Lalonde cried as she set out the rolls next to a near empty bottle of pinot grigio, having noticed the little exchange.  
  
Rose took her seat across from Kanaya and cupped her own chin in her hand, elbow on the table as her mother brought over the chicken, which was the last of the food. “It’s a significant step up from Mother’s famous call to the Chinese place.”  
  
“Rosey poseyyyy,” Ms. Lalonde pouted, and Kanaya couldn’t help the sympathy that edged into her amused smile, no matter what Rose had previously said about the woman.  
  
With a large knife in hand, Ms. Lalonde approached Kanaya and went about carving the chicken, large bust jiggling inches from her face. Haha, uh… wow. Quick, Kanaya, make conversation!  
  
"Well. Homemade or not, I’m sure this’ll be the breast meal I’ve had in a long time."  
  
Ms. Lalonde paused in her efforts to separate a leg from the rest of the chicken and looked a Kanaya for a beat. Kanaya looked back. Rose watched them both. In unison, the Lalondes asked, “What?”  
  
“What?” Kanaya echoed. Rose’s mother laughed delightedly, and began the process of loading up Kanaya’s paper plate while Rose herself looked mildly displeased. Kanaya, unfortunately, had no idea what she’d said. Even if she had, she was side tracked quickly by the fact that the silverware, while definitely silver in color, was plastic. Huh.  
  
“Soooo,” Ms. Lalonde piped up as she shoveled food onto Rose’s plate. Rose seemed vaguely disgusted. “How did my babbies meet?”  
  
“Kanaya and I met at school, Mother. I’ve told you this, haven’t I? I’m sure I have.”  
  
“No, yeah! You totally have, but I want to know the specifics! The sweet deets. Lay ‘em on me.” Shortly, she was seated and poking at her food with a shiny plastic fork. Kanaya chose to fill in the blanks as Rose pointedly refused to look anywhere but her plate.  
  
“I was up on the roof of the dorm buildings, trying to sketch the terrain of the campus in the fading light when I heard the door swing open behind me. Since the sun was setting, I didn’t want to take my eyes off my work-- it was getting harder and harder to so much as see it, you understand, but I did hear someone shuffling around behind me. It was Rose! Of course it was Rose… she had carried this huge telescope all the way up from her room to the uppermost surface of the building in order to stargaze, I’d found once I gave up on my drawing. She’d initiated conversation by warning me against sitting so close to the edge, and ultimately we viewed the stars together as they came out.” Kanaya smiled softly at the memory while Rose, brown face ruddy, poked at her food.  
  
Ms. Lalonde squealed, and Rose turned her pale eyes to stare at the wall opposite her mother, mouth open. It lent her an expression that read fairly plainly that she was embarrassed and wanted little more than to escape. Kanaya laughed gently and bit a little at her inner lip. It had been a really romantic first meeting.  
  
“Oh, my gosh… you two are so precious. I could eat you right up!”  
  
Kanaya’s face froze in her smile while she very forcefully tried to keep her thoughts from wandering into entendre territory, double or otherwise. That’s your girlfriend’s mom, Kanaya. Have some decorum. ~~She’d totally let that woman eat her up, though.~~  
  
She grinned over at Kanaya while topping off her wine glass, which had still been mostly full, and Kanaya smiled hesitantly back, definitely not taking stock of that Ms. Lalonde’s lips were decidedly fuller than Rose’s, and how her eyes had the same startling paleness about them, though the elder Lalonde’s were more pink than not. Her nose was broad but didn’t turn up the way Rose’s did. Cute, but not button cute. The curl of her fringe drew attention to her immaculately applied eye makeup, except it totally didn’t. Because Kanaya was not staring. Well, not anymore. Now, she was looking down at her plate.  
  
The three of them ate in what felt to Kanaya like a companionable silence, but it was broken amiably after a while by Ms. Lalonde’s voice. “And how long have you two been an item~?”  
  
“A number of months,” Rose was answering as Kanaya replied, “Not long.”  
  
“Not long?” Rose asked her, and Kanaya raised her eyebrows, laughing breathily. Ah, man. That had been a bad answer, hadn’t it? “It… it just doesn’t seem like it’s been very long. I feel like I’ve always known you, so I guess it’s difficult for me to measure the time off hand.”  
  
“Aww!” Ms. Lalonde exclaimed. “How cute was that? And _smoooth_ …”  
  
She gave Kanaya a near conspiratorial look over the edge of her wineglass as if to say ‘I’ve got your number,’ and when Kanaya found herself giggling, she stopped abruptly and stuffed the last of her green beans into her mouth. Was that flirting? No. No, definitely not. Not flirting was also the thing Kanaya was doing when she eventually said, “How old are you, Ms. Lalonde? If you’ll forgive my erectness. Directness.”  
  
Shit!  
  
“ _Directness_ ,” Kanaya repeated, face scorching. She went on, speaking quickly enough that many of her words ran together. “I-I only… I was only asking because you look so young. To have a daughter. You’re very good looking.”  
  
You’re very good looking? What... _even_? The fingers that had previously been curled around the stem of a wineglass drooped to touch lightly over Ms. Lalonde’s heart as her mouth popped open in perfectly facetious shock at Kanaya’s impropriety. “Erectness? Omg. Wink wink wink wink.”  
  
She gave an exaggerated wink with every utterance of the word, and Kanaya’s face continued burning in embarrassment while Ms. Lalonde tried to share her amusement with Rose via a jovial and light push at her daughter’s shoulder and a big smile. Rose did not look amused.  
  
“Mother, please.” Ms. Lalonde rolled those pale pink eyes, but her smile remained.  
  
“Aaanywhoozles,” she said, and the low lidded faux-admonishing expression she presented to Kanaya was more than enough to make her squirm, “I thought I told you to call me Mama.”  
  
Kanaya almost choked on the bit of dinner roll she was trying to swallow, and chased with water to make sure that didn’t happen.  
  
“Also! We got dessert, if y’all are done with dinner for now!”  
  
Rose’s plate still held quite a bit of her dinner, though Kanaya’s was nearing empty. Mama Lalonde’s was almost untouched. After draining her current glass (where had that second bottle of wine come from, and how had she gotten through so much of it alone?), Mama Lalonde got up and switched her way over to the oven, where she pulled out a pie. Kanaya couldn’t even pretend inside her head that she had not been watching the movement of the other woman’s hips while she walked or that her eyes hadn’t widened a little to see her bend over. She didn’t dare steal a glance at Rose. She felt wretchedly guilty already, and didn’t want to make matters worse by catching her girlfriend’s eye. Kanaya was going to grovel so hard the next time they were alone. So hard.  
  
While caught up in a torrid fantasy of just how she would make things right, Mama Lalonde was being rebuffed rudely by Rose. The few quiet and sharp words the younger blonde spat drew Kanaya’s attention, and her heart panged sadly for the lady of the house. She didn’t seem nearly as bad as Rose always insisted she was. In a bid to make her feel better, Kanaya injected, “I would love to eat your pie, Mama.”  
  
It had sounded so much less obscene in her head. So very less obscene. The wildly inappropriate words made Kanaya’s face drain of color after a beat. Soon after, it flushed hot and bright again as Rose’s eyes flashed at her from across the table. How had she-- how did her mouth keep doing the thing?? Her brain had most certainly not been consulted. Kanaya wished that she could disappear into her hijab, but considering how ineffectual that course of action would undoubtedly be, Kanaya stood abruptly instead. She should just… escape from the side while she still could and apologize in every way she knew how to Rose later. Her voice was high and a little pinched when she said quickly, “Actually on second thought I am _so full_ and I have classes early tomorrow morning, I just-- I should really get off-- _be_ off… get going, you understand, I am just _so_ sorry pleaseexcusemegoodbye.”  
  
That said, Kanaya bolted for the door as quickly as she could in her heels and away from those unfairly hot ladies. Ms. Lalonde’s raucous laughter followed her out.


End file.
